“It is only my own life, I realize, that I am afraid of . . .”

I love this quote from Jamie Zeppa’s book Beyond the Sky and the Earth:  A Journey into Bhutan.  Zeppa, a volunteer teacher from Canada posted in Bhutan, describes the inner turmoil she experienced in the lead up to her romance with a Bhutanese man — a romance that had been building for some time but that she had continually stepped back from because it didn’t seem “proper” or “practical” or even “possible” to her logical self:

I pretended that I was resisting out of ethical considerations but the truth is I resist because I am afraid.  My time in Bhutan, my whole journey in fact . . . , has been a coming to these edges, these verges, these high places where I am buffeted by winds and dazed by the view, by the risks and the possibilities I never imagined could exist in my life, where I am astonished that I could get so high up, how on earth did I get so high up, where a voice whispers JUMP and another cries DON’T.  Where I could turn back and walk down to safer ground, or I could throw myself over that edge, into what, what is out there, what is it that I am so afraid of beyond this last safe step where I am now standing?  It is only my own life, I realize, that I am afraid of, and at each high point I am given the chance to throw myself over and back into it.

She threw herself over and back into it, back into the meat of her life.  Will you do the same at the intimidating edges of your own life?

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